Mother

My mother with her mother

I came across a small manila envelope the other day. Inside are a few papers Mom saved for me. I was four, almost five, when President Kennedy was shot.

I remember sitting on the floor in our living room, watching the horror of it all on TV. My mom was behind me, standing at the ironing board with a basket of clothes beside her. I remember different feelings I had at the time. I remember feeling safe and comfortable and really happy my mom was with me.

I remember crying while watching replays of Kennedy’s motorcade, watching Mrs. Kennedy with her two children at the funeral, and seeing the casket.

Now, in retrospect, I wonder if my mom was crying. I imagine she held me and explained things in a four-year-old way. I wonder how long I sat in her lap. The date on my drawing shows that my sister would be born the next day. 9 months pregnant. Actually more – we kids liked being in utero, and we were all late. That my Mom was as uncomfortable as an overdue woman can be, and still nurtured me in the way I needed, that warms my heart.

My Mom’s writing says: “This paper says: President Kennedy, the President of the United States, died. He was shot in Texas.”

I think that Mom handing me paper and pencil as we watched news reports and the funeral, played a big part in how I process today. She invited me to express my feelings. I’m grateful for that.

This is the back of the paper. I think the “M” is for “me”

Mom embraced homemaker and motherhood. I’ve thought about, wondered about the influence of era on choices we each make. If Mom were a young lady today, would she still choose motherhood as her first and most important career? Mom had a brilliant mind. She could memorize like no other. Mom embraced every fashion trend, and did it well. She was gorgeous. She did math in her head, was incredible at expressing her thoughts, had impeccable handwriting, was creative, and had leadership skills that could rival any CEO. And because of all those capabilities (and many more), she was an amazing mother. The best I could have hoped for. Would she have chosen motherhood in the 2020s? I’m sure she would have.

I wonder how many of these papers we went through with Mom teaching me how to write my name

What about me? I’ve thought about that a lot over the years. When I was a kid – almost a teenager – and my friends were buying jewelry and make-up, I was still asking for baby dolls. When the family would be watching TV, I preferred to help Mom with dishes or baking. Yeah … it doesn’t matter what era I live in, motherhood is my ideal career. I told my son the other day that the thing I’ve wanted most, my entire life, is to be a good mom.

I think some of who I am is just me. But I also think that having my mom for a mother, seeing that she could be and do anything she chose, and that she chose motherhood, helped me desire nurturing above all else. And I’m glad.

Thank you Mom. I love you.

Friendship

Sister-Friends

I was looking through some old photos the other day. A few of them warmed my heart big-time, some of them brought back precious memories, and some, like the one above, totally cracked me up. (By the way, this photo is used *without* permission. Because, it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission, right?) Silly girls. When they’re together even now, watching them is better than watching the best movie. They make me laugh and they make me cry. They’re incredible.

So I started thinking about friendship and relationships. Some, we work hard on. We strive, we exert energy, we effort. It’s good to do that. Developing relationships is a big part of growth and happiness. But some of our friendships/relationships are just plain *easy*. I mean, it seems they take no effort at all. If we forget to call on a birthday, no worries! They know we love them, we know they forgive us. It’s those relationships I want to write about now.

Roommate Reunion 2020

I recently reunited with four of my college roommates over Zoom. Holy cow! They all look the same! Beautiful, beautiful women. This was my first visit with some of them in over 40 years. One of these ladies has been my best friend since we were 13 and we’ve stayed in touch through the years. So anyway, it got me thinking: Is it friendships that we forged when we were young that stay intact? Or is it more of an eternal connection – something that started with our spirits before we met in this life? It’s hard for me to imagine how we can have such solid connections – connections uninterrupted by distance or time-lapse – from only spending a couple of semesters together, or a few short years as teenagers.

Oh, how we embraced fashion in the 70s!

I wish I had a photo of all five of us from college. I called Sandy the other day on her birthday. Of course, she beat me to it when she called me a few days earlier on mine. We talked about these friendships, our friendship. Because on that phone call we laughed about things past and present and we talked about incredibly sensitive things happening today. There was no awkwardness, no need to prepare for the phone call or be “up” as we talked. It was just *easy*. I have this with a few other people in my life. It’s one of the most precious “things” I have. Easy relationships. What a gift.

I don’t have the prettiest feet in the world, but me posting this shows that I care a whole lot more about what this picture means than how I look. About a decade ago I met up with Sandy at her home. We took a drive into the mountains and just talked. This picture says it all. Easy, comfortable and honest.

I know it’s important to put effort into relationships. I’m not against that at all. But I do believe that throughout our decades of living, sometimes we are gifted with an effortless relationship that just seems to pop up out of nowhere. And when that happens, it’s well worth holding on to.

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.” – Helen Keller

Christmas Snow

Did it snow that first Christmas?

*click image to play video*

Snow … light … warmth … truth … peace. Enjoy.

{Guitar: Brad Chapman ~ Cello: Calli Jo Weaver}

Claim the Day ~ Claim the Year

As I was getting ready for the day this morning, day 4 of being 62, I thought about the last few days and how good they’ve been. Then I tried to put my finger on *why* they’ve been so good. I couldn’t. There has really been nothing remarkable about the days. The average temperature has been about 20, we’ve eaten just the normal stuff out of our pantry and fridge, no visit from long-lost friends; no outings to brag about; no adventurous events like skydiving. Why am I feeling so good about the past few days???

My daughter’s birthday is the day before mine. The week before our birthdays we were talking on the phone and she asked what plans I had. None. I had none. She told me the few cool things she had planned for her birthday and inspired me as she took control of her day, allowing her children to see that birthdays are meant to truly be celebrated. I decided then that, although I didn’t have anything special I wanted to do, I would honestly celebrate. All that day I did things I wanted to do. I got up early *because I chose to* and enjoyed leisurely opening blinds, preparing breakfast, and meditating. I had a short birthday celebration with my husband and son, then when they left for work, I spent the rest of the day doing things. I use that phraseology because I honestly can’t remember what I did. But I do know, that at the end of the day I felt fulfilled. The same with day 2 of being 62 and day 3.

Then I thought, if I can *claim the day* three days in a row, why don’t I just plan to “claim the year*? Yeah, I know stuff happens. Bad stuff, inconvenient stuff, hard stuff. But I can claim it all, make it mine, do with it what I choose!

Sue Heck, The Middle

If you haven’t watched the TV series, “The Middle,” do it! I can’t watch an episode without belly laughing. The middle child in that family, Sue, dubs each year “The Year of Sue.” As hilarious as those years turn out to be, there’s something in that. I’m not going to *name* my year, or my day, or the minutes that make up my day. But I am going to claim them. Every single one of them. They’re mine. I’m responsible for them, I get to make of them what I wish. I have this feeling that on the eve before my 63rd birthday, I may not be able to say “This year was amazing because I went [skydiving] [on an incredible vacation] [on a book tour because I got published].” But I will say, “My sixty-second year was amazing. It was hard, but it was good!”

A Few *more* of My Favorite Things

Dwell and Slumber Dresses

Same disclaimer as before: I do *not* receive any compensation (monetary, product, or even praise) for these posts. I just want to share what some of my favorite things are, and why I love them, in case you’ve been searching and want to give these a try.

We all have to wear clothes, so I figure that if I can’t be in my PJs all the time, I should at least be *almost* as comfortable. These Dwell and Slumber dresses are the closest thing I’ve found to comfortable-yet-beautiful clothes. They have four different styles (most of mine are the cocoon style – not pictured here), and they ALL have pockets! (Whoever decided women’s clothes don’t *all* need pockets needs to reevaluate life.) Besides the obvious comfort (you can see that in the picture above, right?) they don’t wrinkle. I keep them rolled up in my drawer, not hung in the closet. (Why? That’s another blog post.) They’re pricey. But here’s the thing: I have one pair of sweat pants, one pair of leggings, a couple of shirts, then 2 drawers full of Dwell and Slumber dresses. That’s it. Wait … sweaters. I have sweaters to wear over my dresses in the winter. But seriously, even with the cost of these dresses, with them making up almost all of my wardrobe, I’m probably spending less money on clothes than people who pay $14.95 per shirt or dress or pants. Yay me! (There also this: I didn’t buy them all at one time. It’s a total “treat myself” feeling when I get a dress, so it also serves as a way to self-care.)

Artificial tree from Walmart $69. Bam!

For the first fifty years or so of my life I swore I’d never have an artificial Christmas tree. Then, well, I don’t know what happened. I just changed my mind, I guess. When we moved to Idaho Falls, I looked and looked for a nice-looking slender tree. They’re not easy to find. EXCEPT! Seriously. I couldn’t believe my luck. Walmart sells this non-lit tree for $69. It’s held up for 5 years so far, and I really love it. (Admittedly, it looked better before Thanksgiving when our grandkids played with all the decorations. But I haven’t fixed it because I love the memories of those little ones being here.)

Bracelets & Anklets

Maybe this is just a phase I’m going through, or maybe I’ve connected with my inner soul and will always and forevermore wear bracelets and anklets. But anyway, I want to tell you about these three bracelets that never come off, as well as my two semi-permanent anklets (not pictured). The green jade bracelet is one we got when we traveled to Hong Kong in 2018. As per my brother’s suggestion we went to the Jade Market and *HOLY SCHMOLY* it was amazing! I know everyone can’t travel to Hong Kong to the Jade Market for jewelry. But. You can shop Chinese-made bracelets, anklets, and any other item. See something you like on a website but it’s pricey? Go to Aliexpress and find the source. Then pay pennies on the dollar for the same item. But expect to wait a couple of months for it to arrive. The next bracelet is cool. It’s from Sashkaco … “hand crocheted bead by bead by a skilled artisan in the Kathmandu Valley of Nepal.” It’s all glass beads, all one piece, and it *rolls on* to your wrist. Super cool. And the best part: (again from their website: “Handmade love – empowering women in need.” You can get a 70% off coupon. Free shipping on orders of $35. But I think I paid $4.95 for mine (got it on sale) and then paid $6 shipping or something like that. I wear it constantly and love it. And love that it’s helping other women. The third bracelet is Pura Vida. These are pricey (knowing you can get similar from Aliexpress for a *lot* less money. BUT. These string bracelets make me feel sort of back-to-nature. I feel like I’m on the beach, or on a trail. They’re coated, so they don’t fall apart. And I think they look cool.

Okey dokey. That’s it for a few *more* of my favorite things. If you buy any of these, let me know what you think. Happy day to you!

xo

Happy Birthday to Me

Age 5

I used to think it was the world’s responsibility to celebrate my birthday. Or at least, the responsibility of everyone I knew. It certainly wasn’t my responsibility! I don’t think that way anymore. It’s my special day, making it my choice to celebrate (or not), and my responsibility.

This is the first time I’ve celebrated in such a public way. And honestly, I’m glad social media and internet platforms weren’t around when I was young. I’m glad I’ve got 62 full years behind me now as I write my thoughts. And honestly, glad that now I *think* before I speak … a trait I developed over a whole lot of years.

If I would have had the ability to tell the world it’s my birthday when I was five, I would have asked for lots of presents. I would have wanted more lace-topped anklets, more baby dolls, and maybe I would have asked for something to be sent to each of my siblings too (though that probably would have been so I wouldn’t have to share).

Age 19

If I would have been able to proclaim to all the world that I was in my last teenage year when I turned 19, I probably would have talked about how important friends are. I would have bemoaned my frizzy hair, but expressed gratitude for medical advances that made it possible for me to wear contacts. Then I would have asked for multiple sets of contact lenses so I’d never have to put my glasses on again. I wouldn’t have thought that sounded vain; I would have thought I sounded very mature. I also would have asked for a Cat Stevens album, concert tickets to see Dan Fogleberg, and a pair of bell-bottom star jeans.

Age 62 – birthday selfie

That brings me to age 62. What a time we live in! I’m thrilled to celebrate over six decades of life. I’m thrilled to be alive. My cousin’s husband died last night. He was a healthy guy just a few years old than me. He is one of those increasing numbers of dear individuals who lost their lives to Covid-19. Today, on my 62nd birthday, I’m not asking for things. (Well, I actually did ask for Thai food for lunch with my guys.) But I do have a plea to anyone who might read this: *WEAR A MASK* How horrible to watch rants or read posts from people who are politicizing the virus, mask wearing, and abbreviated businesses, while seeing growing numbers of infections and deaths every day. Sure, the numbers are off. But the pandemic is real. Is it really a sacrifice to go through a fast food drive-through instead of dining in? Is it that much of a bother to don a mask? What if it was your husband? Or your child? Or your mom? Every person who dies from Covid-19 has a family who is mourning. Let’s show some humanity and respect, dignity and maturity by choosing to help others. When you put on your mask, or order-in instead of going out; when you post your thoughts about the day’s events, or take a picture to share … think about someone who is struggling, someone who is lonely tonight in ways we can’t even understand (my cousin was able to say good-bye, then watched as they turned off his ventilator ~ I can’t imagine that pain). Think about people who would not only be grateful for fast food from a drive-through, but who would give anything to sit in a heated car. *We-have-it-so-good*

My birthday wishes: I wish that I will always fight feelings of entitlement with recognition of blessings. I wish that I will always be grateful and never envious. I wish that my next 62 years will be focused more on others and less on myself. Happy Birthday to me. Today I celebrate a life of ups and downs, fun and hardship. I celebrate growing in experience and the anticipation of tomorrow. Cheers.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things …

http://denaleechapman.com

Yeah, like you, “raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens” and really, *anything* Sound of Music, can count as one of my favorite things. What’s not to love?

This is the first of a several-part series of some of my favorite things. Here’s a disclaimer that you don’t hear often: I’m not getting paid in any way for any of this. Nope. Not in product, not in money. No compensation whatsoever. I’m just not that widely read. But for the few of you who do read this, since we can’t sit next to each other and chat for hours on end about everything that comes to mind, I’ll write what’s on my mind. Recommendations are the best way to go anyway, don’t you think? I mean, for instance: I tried making whole wheat bread from a kazillion different recipes for probably a decade before I landed upon one that was edible. Why not share my favorites so that if you’re in the market, you can jump right to my favorite brand / type and then, if you don’t love it, go from there?

I posted that selfie at the top because I’m wearing my favorite brand of false eyelashes. I’ve tried lots of different brands, and although I can wear them all, by far the easiest to apply and most realistic *on me* are Ardell Wispies. I get them at Target and they cost about $10 for 5 pair. It’s a pretty sweet deal considering that I wear them multiple times before trashing them. Just peel off the leftover glue before reapplying. I use the black Duo Glue that can also be purchased at Target. It just makes any glue that gets smeared look like eyeliner instead of glue 🙂

Galison Puzzles

I’m in puzzle mode these days. The Christmas season always gets me going. It’s so hard to walk past an awesome puzzle in the stores … this year I picked up a few (and got some for gifts!). I’ve finished all the Christmas puzzles purchased this year already (you can see them in the background in the bookshelf) and have started this amazing floral map of the world puzzle. ALL PUZZLES ARE NOT CREATED EQUALLY! Galison puzzles might be more expensive, but the pieces are thick and fit together perfectly. Plus, they have the best artists designing them! Mostly I love the cityscapes … especially the holiday ones. But I just couldn’t pass up this 1000-piece Map of the World. But with my older-eyes, I prefer 500 piece puzzles. Same size puzzle, bigger pieces. If you’re puzzle shopping, look for Galison. I promise you won’t be disappointed!

Crio Bru

Chocolate is yummy. Sometimes, though, I can get a queasy tummy from eating it. So I often choose to drink it. Crio Bru not only offers a variety of ground cacao to brew into an incredible drink-experience, but they also have great customer service. Over the Black Friday sales I ordered a 5-lb bag to last me for months. My favorite: Ecuador Light Roast. It’s dark, rich and ultimately delicious. They sent me a 5-lb bag of Ecuador French Roast. Shoot. I contacted them and they immediately responded telling me to keep the mistake bag and they’d get the correct one in the mail to me today. *GOOD* customer service! Haven’t enjoyed Crio Bru yet? It’s easy to make and you can buy small bags if you’re hesitant. One concern though: I see it darken the mug I use, so imagine it could do the same to my teeth. I make sure to brush my teeth not long after finishing a cup. I like a bit of bitter so I only add a few drops of agave nectar and a tablespoon of coconut cream. Add honey or sugar or milk if you like that – or drink it straight!

Alrighty. Those are three of my favorite things. I’m going to keep posting these and would love to hear from you about your favorites. Let’s help each other skip the mistakes and start with the best! I hope your December is filled with uniqueness, peace, and lots of fun.

xo