Imperfect but Lovely

2018 Christmas Photo

Continuing my week of expressing daily gratitude publicly, I turn to my family. As I stated, a little more succinctly on my social media walls, my family is not perfect. We’ve struggled with typical family issues, and we’ve fought to rise above them. This one thing I know about all of our children: If there were ever a need, each one of them would drop everything and rush to aid the one in need. That one truth puts everything else into perspective. Varying political views, career choices, parenting technics, personality differences … all of that is insignificant, except in the context of providing opportunity for personal growth.

So today, my gratitude focus is on my imperfect, lovely, incredible family. I adore them. I admire them. I appreciate them. Through my family I’ve grown. Because of them I’ve gained greater patience, learned to love and accept and respect myself more, increased my joy in laughter, grown in my desire to learn, found strength in loyalty, have become more determined, have grown in love and gratitude, and so much more. It is because of the imperfections in these amazing souls that I have seen opportunities for myself. I love everything about them, and I think they feel the same about me.

It’s an amazing journey – going from child to young adult to young parent to parent of adults to grandparent. From this side I’m currently moving forward on, I see that I didn’t really want for my children what I thought I wanted. I couldn’t have created better individuals if I’d have had total control – I couldn’t have even come close to making them into the incredible humans they are! And yes, I know they’re each on their own personal journey of progress and change. That’s beautiful. I love this perspective. I love changing myself as I also observe their changing.

Today I’m grateful for my family, while being acutely mindful of those without family, as well as those without family contact. Life is hard. It’s also glorious. #GiveThanks

My Pillow

Inspired by President Russell M. Nelson yesterday, I awoke this morning wondering what I would share today on social media, expressing gratitude. My mind wandered all over the place from my obvious blessings of health and amazing family and friends to the joy of walking barefoot, and finally to the pillow my head lay on. I thought about my pillow and how very much I love it! Then I thought about all the pillows in our home – how many have been packed away for company, and how many I “need” when I sleep. (You know how comforting and sleep-inducing a plethora of pillows is, right?) I remembered nights camping, using whatever I could smoosh together to create a sort of pillow, and how difficult sleep was. Then I imagined a life without pillows. Or mattresses. Or blankets. Or bedrooms. Or homes.

I got up, made my bed, then knelt beside it. When was the last time I expressed gratitude for my pillow? It was probably after my last camping trip a decade or so ago. My prayerful mind wandered to so many other blessings I haven’t expressed gratitude for: clean water, nail clippers, quiet, food choices. I-AM-SO-BLESSED. Anyone reading this is so blessed. Yep, we all have heartache, loss, pain, trials, grief, difficulties … all that stuff. We all have it. But we all have blessings too.

I’m dedicated to using my pillow as a reminder to look for, and express gratitude for blessings. So, at least twice a day, when I lie on my pillow and when I rise from it, I will turn my mind to how blessed I am. I will think on the “little” things, that are not so little for others in the world. I will let my blessings flood my mind so when the hardships try to take over, there will only be room for me to work on them, not to dwell.

Today it’s my pillow that started these recognitions. Tomorrow, when my pillow serves as a reminder, I wonder what little gift will turn me to recognize even more …

Seasons

Of the nearly 40 years I’ve been married, we’ve lived most of them either in the tropics, the hot desert, or super-wet Alaska. As much as I loved those places, I really missed the seasons.

At the beginning of each season I swear it’s my favorite. And then I realize that they *all* can’t be my favorite. Right? Wrong. They can. Just like every time I rearrange a room I wonder why I didn’t make the change earlier – It looks so much better like this, I always seem to think. This twisty thinking brings me to what I think is the truth: It’s the change that’s really the lovely part. A new season, even though I experienced that exact same season last year; Or a rearranged room, even though I had it this way two rearranging-times ago … they are changes. And change is good. It’s renewing. It’s revitalizing. It’s exciting.

When I apply this to my life, I can’t help but think this: As amazing as today is, tomorrow will surely be better. (At least on the good days I can think that.)

I have a dear friend, an elderly lady, who is like the neighborhood Kool-Aid mom (if you’re not old enough to know what I mean, google it). When the school kids stop by on their way home and knock on her door, she always has a treat for them. But first, a little conversation. She asks them, “How are you today, my friend?” And she’s taught them to reply, “Better than yesterday, but not as good as tomorrow.” Then she gives them a cookie and a smile and sends them on home. Isn’t that a lovely idea to repeat to yourself day after day?

So today, when I think about what I’m grateful for, one of the things that comes to mind is Seasons. I’m grateful for the change every few months; I’m grateful that seasons remind me that seasons in my life are to be happily anticipated and reverently remembered; I’m grateful that seasons invite me to make each day better than the last; I’m grateful for the unique beauty of each season – speaking literally and metaphorically.

Knowing that all things in mortality are (can be) symbolic, I can’t help but think of all the way seasons symbolize progress, joy, and growth. I love our seasons. I love change!

Why Losing Gracefully is Important

Albert Payson Terhune … have you heard his name? Probably not. He was an author who wrote mostly about dogs. But you probably have heard his quote about winning and losing. We all know that no one likes a boastful winner. But isn’t a whiny loser just as bad? Even still … avoiding being annoying to other people isn’t really a good reason for learning to lose well. So why even worry about it?

I took this photo of my Dad on a recent trip to visit with him. This game is Parcheesi, a particular favorite in our family. Still, it’s nowhere nearly as competitive a game as Pit, Spit, or even Rook. See that smile on my Dad? And notice the vintage picture in the background? (That little one under the gold-framed family pic.) It’s part of our family back in the late 1960s, sitting around the table as we play a rousing game of Pit. We’re competitive! And we’re aggressive. My parents encouraged game playing, and both of them fully participated. Mom played games with us up to her last week of life, and Dad continues to play. Lots of great things to gain from game playing: The obvious gifts include sociality, strategic thinking, quick thinking, expanding knowledge (anyone here remember the game Authors?), learning to do math in your head, and more. But perhaps the most important lesson our parents taught us through game playing (which they tell us was intentional) was how to lose.

Losing gracefully is not only good for appropriate social interaction, it also helps keep our personal perspectives true. When we lose with style, we are able to learn from the loss, and put the loss in an appropriate relation to the rest of our life. It’s something to think about. Additionally, learning to (and practicing) lose gracefully and honorably gives to the winners and others around us an appropriate sense of their own beings. They can more appropriately celebrate their wins, and chances are, they will want to reach out and help us to be in a better position on our next go-round. When we lose with style, we set in motion a ripple of goodness and honor. All this, without even a mention (until now) about humility. Who doesn’t need to develop a more humble and meek core? We all do.

So let’s start seeing our losses as opportunities to practice progression. And let’s continue to celebrate winners regardless of our place in the race.

The Motivation of Rejection

I was on a family zoom visit last night, orchestrated by my dad, when he gave each of us siblings a few minutes to share particulars in our lives. One of my brothers told us that he was offered an online teaching position at a university, and, just like all the other things my siblings shared, we joyed with him. When it was my turn the first thing I said was that I had, just this week, received a rejection from that same university. Of course, we all laughed.

“I just added it to my rejection sheet,” I said. Then my sister spoke up and asked if I really keep a record of my rejections. I do! Here’s why:

To be fair, that’s not the only reason, but it’s one of the top ones. Rejection is the road to acceptance and offers.

I write. I love writing. I’ve self published a few books, and I’ve had a handful of creative articles legitimately published. I’ve written some really boring stuff (by request) too, and had that published, but it’s not what I love. Anyway, someday it would be so cool to land a literary agent and have a novel published by a publishing house. What I know is that no one gets to that point without rejections. Lots of them. So I query, query, query and keep a spreadsheet, noting each rejection. The best rejection I’ve gotten so far was from an agent who looked at my query and first few chapters long enough to give me some solid feedback. I love that rejection. Maybe I’ll never get my own agent. Maybe I’ll self-publish everything. But then again, maybe not. Maybe, if I can speed up my failures/rejections, I’ll get an offer. *fingers crossed*

It’s not just writing. Earlier in my life I worked with a colleague to create a winning TV show. We recorded an abbreviated pilot, and we even got to pitch it. A few times. The closer we got to having it greenlit, the more times it was rejected. And recently I’ve submitted a whole lot of applications to teach as adjunct faculty. I’ve gotten a whole lot of rejections. Eventually, maybe one will be accepted. I hope so.

There’s another reason to keep track of my rejections. “The Lord loves effort,” President Russell M. Nelson said. (Prophet and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.) Life can be pretty frustrating when we focus only on results. I’m all for goal setting and for reaching toward results! But I’ve come to firmly believe that “… The battle is not yours, but God’s … Stand ye still and see the salvation of the Lord with you … for the Lord will be with you.” (2 Chronicles 20: 15, 17) That “stand ye still” stuff doesn’t mean do nothing. To me, President Nelson’s quote and these Bible verses go hand in hand. Work, work, work … then give it to God. The battle is His. When I effort, truly effort, the outcome will always be better than what I was aiming for, as long as I surrender that outcome to God.

Additionally, rejections are proof that I am trying, that I am practicing, that I am growing with each effort. After all, my personal purpose in mortality is to use all of my experiences to progress toward becoming more like Christ.

And so, rejections motivate me. They remind me that my efforts matter; they remind me that, if statistics are true, eventually I’ll get an acceptance after all those rejections; they especially remind me that the only truly important result – that of changing, becoming, and progressing – is actually happening, one effort, one rejection at a time.

Unity

credit to canstockphoto.com

While it’s possible to be unified in an unrighteous cause, my thoughts of late have been occupied with holy unity. God, however we may think of Him, must always be at the center of holy unity, even if our cause or our focus may not be religious. For there to be real unity, it must be based on truth, and God is Truth.

Even though it’s been a challenging puzzle for me to analyze unity these past few days, some things have become very clear: 1) unity NEVER includes coercion, dominion, compelling, or demands; 2) unity is not sameness; 3) unity welcomes unique differences that, when focused on truth (really, any truth, but it will always point to God), creates a synergistic effect and will multiply positive results.

Why does any of this matter? In an increasingly chaotic world where not only nation fights against nation, but, even more damaging, brother fights against brother, maybe taking a deep breath and reassessing our personal understandings of what we believe to be true and right could be that tiny course correction that would create a mighty change. And coming to understand unity could be a good first step.

Why are we passionate about our beliefs to the degree that we try to force them upon others? There are probably lots of answers, but my week or so of contemplating this leads me to believe that (regardless of what those beliefs are) it has nothing to do with beliefs at all. It’s about control and power and pride and dominion. If that’s true (and I believe it is) there can never be unity. The more we try to powerfully persuade any person or group of people to believe our “way” the further we drift away from unity. And we (the ones trying to force our beliefs) are the ones creating that great divide – not the person or people who will not come to think as we think, or join our team. But isn’t it pretty crazy that we still place all the blame on those who don’t believe as we do? What is WRONG with those people? How can they believe that garbage? … or … Why do you have to disagree with everything I say? Can’t you, just once, try to see things my way? We’ll never be unified if you don’t stop being so stubborn. See what I mean?

Who cares if the other political party sees things differently? If we have a common goal (a strong country that supports individual rights and freedoms, for example) who is to say we can’t get to that result from a variety of directions? But more importantly: WHO CARES IF MY FRIEND (or spouse, or children, or sibling …) doesn’t see this situation my way? If we have a common goal (progression, peace between us, joy … ) who is to say we can’t get to that result from a variety of directions?

I love the Apostle Paul for many things, but today I love him for what he taught the Corinthians about the body of Christ and how we, as individuals with our own unique talents, thoughts, ideas, etc., contribute to the body and to unity. (1 Corinthians 12) What would happen if we all started to appreciate others’ differences and see their contribution to the whole of our system? I mean, let’s start with the family, or better yet – let’s back up all the way to the couple. Two people, united. Not the same. Different, accepting of the differences, and striving toward the same truths. Then it bleeds into the family, who all see community members and their differences as assets. The community bleeds into the nation, the nation into the world. World peace really is possible. But it has to begin in individual hearts. If we can’t agree to be different and love those differences at home, how can we ever expect a safe world?

Here’s to differences! How beautiful, how divine. Really. We were created to be different – why would any of us try to force sameness? One World Under God … made up of billions of differences.